Training 3 - Them - Overlap Design

1.3 • Them

Truly Loving Your Neighbor

We’ve got a little more clarity on how you want to show up to your life. Your health, your worth, your calling, all that. Basic refresher course.

From here, the first principle is really, honestly, truly — love your neighbor. That is one half of Jesus’ greatest command. It’s Jesus’ best relationship advice. It’s simple, and profound, and clear… and exceedingly difficult to do well, like all of the right things.

For the people you want to help specifically as your clients (which means to take someone under your care), loving our neighbor looks like knowing them and helping to rescue them from problems and unnecessary suffering. The best way I know to dig into these things is with something called the PFWA Exercise.

The PFWA Exercise

Pains/Problems — These are things that are surface-level, accessible, immediately understood things that they are suffering through.

  • Our goal is to find a SINGLE, CURRENT, HIGH-STAKES problem that your potential clients have. Your product or service might alleviate several of their pains and problems. But our goal is to find the ONE that feels like a bleeding neck so we can quickly get their attention and help them to know we can help – and that we know what they’re already thinking about.
  • Pains & Problems can be either life-related or work-related. That is to say, they can arise from your client’s everyday life, what’s keeping them up at night, what’s top of mind generally – OR they could also be the things that are a pain in the neck relating to their work, the problems you can solve, or EVEN pain they get from hiring somebody like you.

Fears — These pains and problems, if they have been lingering for awhile, create underlying fears of what will happen if they’re never resolved. We’re talking slippery slopes, logical conclusions, and existential dread.

  • We don’t want to linger here too long, but it is good to know these things so that you can have compassion on their ACTUAL situation and show them you can be of help to them.

Wants — The wants are, almost always, the opposite or absence of their pains & problems. It’s quite simple, actually.

  • These aren’t the same things as needs, necessarily. People don’t always need what they want, and they don’t always want what they need. It’s your job to give them both as far as it lies with you. But you want to communicate to them about what they want. Unfortunately, even the best people are driven by what they want, more than what they need. Be cognizant of all of this.

Aspirations — Just like we did with the problems & pains, we’re going to look at what’s possible for them if their problems & pains are alleviated.

  • If they get what they want and need, what are some positive “slippery slopes”?
  • What are some virtuous cycles that get unlocked if their problems are solved?
  • What are some “unattainable dreams” that suddenly become realistic possibilities?

Putting the PFWA to work.

  1. Start with their pains and problems – write 10 of these.
  2. Identify the fears underlying those pains and problems. Write 10 fear counterparts to the pains and problems you surfaced in step 1.
  3. Pause and pour gasoline on the fire. Intensify the fear, add details to the frustrations, pains, and failures. What happens if nothing changes? How bad could it get?
  4. Identify the wants and needs that are the opposite of the pains and problems – 1 for each pain / problem.
  5. Identify an aspiration / dream for each “want”.
  6. Pour gasoline on this fire, too. Intensify the emotion, add details to the wants, dreams, and aspirations. What happens if it works? How good could it get?

Example: (Life-Related Problem)

Pain / Problem → “People don’t see me for the valuable expert I am.”

Fear → “I’ll be made to feel small, and I won’t be able to either help the people I want to help, or make any money for my family.”

Wants → “I want to be seen as an expert! I want people to see that I provide a premium-priced service that is worth it, and delivers massive value & impact. People pay high prices because they trust me and believe in my value.”

Aspirations → “So I get to build a business I’m proud of, leave a legacy of a good life that matters to my children & grandchildren, impact my clients for good, and leverage my gifts for God’s Kingdom.”

Example: (Hiring-Related Problem)

Pain / Problem → “I don’t know anything about branding, so I’m scared I’ll make the wrong hire.”

Fear → “And if I make the wrong hire, it will be a waste of time, money, & energy that could have been better spent solving other problems.”

Wants → “I want to feel totally confident that this is the right fit, & that I’m investing in something powerful.”

Aspirations → “So I can know that I’ve found a partner for life and I’ll refer everybody to them because their value is through the roof.”

Now that We Have the PFWA, it’s time for 4 Snapshots.

These 4 Snapshots put tangible, story-based elements to the findings from the PFWA and give us major hinge-points in our theory of what our client is going to respond to.

We want to take the abstract concepts from the last section and make them “real” – relatable, believable, vivid, emotionally compelling.

  1. Moment of Highest Tension
    • A real, 3D moment where the problem we solve is most acute and urgent; where they’d do ALMOST ANYTHING in the world to reverse it.
    • People don’t just solve problems — they seek escape, cessation, and resolution from uncomfortable moments. A “problem” is theoretical.

    🗂️ EXAMPLE: After 3 sales calls & 3 no’s, being resentful of God for allowing you to fail, secretly being relieved that no business came through because you were exhausted anyway, relieved when people cancel calls, burned out & unhappy all the time, putting on a happy face & bitterly resigning yourself to never actually succeeding, and thinking it’s God’s will for you to struggle and fail.

    Especially… looking at job listings & an upset spouse because God has not seemed to want to prosper your dream.

  2. Moment of Highest Joy
    • A real, 3D moment where the result of your solution is most exciting, fulfilling, rewarding, and life-changing (or redeeming that which was lost).
    • It’s actually not some grandiose and exotic outcome. In many cases, it is just the cessation of the pain, and a clear picture of a life lived in the absence of that pain.
    • It could be as simple as a restoration of the way things “should be” — taking an Advil, getting a cavity filled, getting a FB Ads account unlocked, regaining harmony in the household, etc.
    • The Shawshank Redemption Principle — Most people are living in a state of perceived injustice — there is more anger / energy / movement behind reversing and restoring something they feel “justly entitled to” than promising them some “dream outcome”.

    🗂️ EXAMPLE: Signing your first new client on a $3K Offer that feels incredible, gets an easy “yes”, and feels super fun and light to deliver — getting ready to tell your wife, who has supported you for years, and thinking about how you’re going to treat her to a wonderful date — maybe even a vacation — with the next 3 or 4 sales you get coming in.

    Especially… the moment of reconciliation with your mental picture of God… “Maybe you really will bless us after all! Maybe you really are a good Father – I’m sorry I ever doubted.”

  3. Qualified and Empowered
    • These are the unique traits, accomplishments, experiences, and capacities that make someone uniquely qualified to join you and succeed with your help. This can be personal – having to do with them as people – or situational – having to do with their situation and life context.
    • Unfortunately, not just anybody can do this. There are things that have to be true of your people in order for you to really be able to help them.
    • People want to invest in opportunities that they’re uniquely qualified (and empowered) to achieve success in. They don’t want what “anyone else” can have. They want to “trade in” what they’ve already done – and are proud of! – to get where they want to be: the next level.
    • The Million Dollar Bet — If I had to place a million dollar bet on this person succeeding, what would be the criteria I’d need to see in order to feel comfortable placing the bet?

    🗂️ EXAMPLES:


    • Being young & healthy.
    • Ambitious / Determined / Committed
    • Having control over their schedule, time freedom, flexibility.
    • Subscribing to a particular ideology / belief system.


    • Having already reached $6K / mo. in sales.
    • Legitimately already being an expert who has gotten people tangible, quantifiable results.
    • Having experience, industry achievements, certifications, etc.
    • Already having some momentum, success, and traction in the thing they’re doing.
  4. Sacred Cows with Sour Milk
    • The ineffective beliefs, approaches, processes, or ideas around achieving the outcome (or solving the problem) that has kept them in a state of stuckness or frustration.
    • When done right, this will offer an emotionally compelling and intellectually satisfying reason why “it wasn’t completely their fault”.
    • Past failures and missteps need to be reframed, self-forgiven, and ultimately redeemed in the present. That is the TRUE gift of your process / program / offer: redemption.
    • When done correctly, pointing out the sacred cows that failed them will:
      • Create resonance around why past (or current) strategies have failed / are failing.
      • Create relief that it indeed wasn’t their fault (in a compelling and satisfying way that creates confidence they can do it this time!)
      • Displays relevance (with your offer satisfying the new reframes)
      • Creates renewed optimism (that this time will be different!)
      • Creates redemption – where the decision to work with you itself feels like a redemption of the past.

    🗂️ EXAMPLES:

    • It’s “wrong” to charge high prices as a Christian.
    • God doesn’t like business all that much. The people who are really doing His work are the pastors and missionaries.
    • What really matters is “the Gospel” (whatever that means).
    • If I just keep “posting content”, I’ll build an audience!
    • I need to start with the low-priced stuff and build out the premium stuff later!
    • “The real money is in courses & Facebook Groups!”
    • Cold Calling & Cold Emailing are the only ways to get started.
    • “If I charge more, don’t I have to work more time?”

And now we’re going to do the one last exercise, which is to distill this all down into a buyer hypothesis.

It looks something like this:

🗂️ A (main persona identifier) who is actively aware that they’re experiencing (pain, problem, and fear) right now, which is costing them (fears and negative outcomes), will enthusiastically work with me to solve it ASAP by (alleviating pain) so they can (achieve wants and aspirations).

(Treat this loosely, not with any sort of literal “it has to be this way” – this is a guideline.

EXAMPLE: “An experienced and highly-skilled fitness coach who is actively aware that they are ‘maxed out’ on selling fitness programs to those on their organic / email lists and as a result has fear that he won’t have any revenue next month unless he quickly masters IG and YT Ads (to catch up with his less-experienced-but-better-marketed peers) will enthusiastically pay me $5,000 to set up a “minimal, $50 a day” YouTube Ads Strategy for him in the next 14 days.

Next Steps

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